Can’t control

I can’t help but write this post, despite being in the midst of studying in my room. I chanced upon my Mum’s blog and read an article in memory of my cousin, Sabrina whose birthday anniversary is today. I knew about it and remembered this very date, but chosed not to make myself feel much about it or i’ll feel emo again. But i can’t help but admit i really wept and wept and wept as i was reading my Mum’s blog. How can you who is alive, explain what its like to die or even tell someone how to face death when you’ve never been there. It was something that really penetrated the heart.

I am sad not because i lost a cousin or a family member but the fact that i lost a best friend. I cannot explain to you the extent of how heart wrenching the entire process was but i can assure you i do miss her , much more than then . Because time really makes us treasure people.

You know how crazily saddening can it be when it was just you and your cousin crying over granny’s passing and the next moment its your cousin in that wooden man-sized cupboard? Yes, thats the feeling i felt, and start to feel again after reading my Mum’s blog.

But i know even as i type this, YOU CAN SEE THIS SABRINA!!
BETTER look after me from heaven OK MS KOH! )))

atlast

AT last, school is finally starting. And i am pretty much intimidated by the fact that i am stepping into the Arts side without the arts background. As much as i’m overwhelmed by the fear of failing, i pretty much entrust my entire entire university life unto the hands of God.

The past few weeks have been fun and pretty much gaga, so much that the transition to returning to lectures and notes and slides will be really challenging. Over the past few weeks, i constantly faced struggles with myself and once again, my faith. I’m a Christian but sometimes i challenge myself with decisions that i have to make as a christian. Many times i’m caught im a situation whereby i can either go with the flow and tell myself this is alright or i can stop and refuse to succumb to these peer pressures, stand tall and tell them I’m a Christian. Honestly, i didn’t really have the courage to take on the latter. I was kinda afraid of the way people would judge me if i do that. I was pretty much against the idea of being ostracized for being a Christian. But deep inside, i truely wanted to stand up for what i felt it is right. As things start to slow down and reach a less happening phase, i being to see that for the past weeks, i have been losing the shape of Godliness and have instead, gradually taken the form of a new mould; one that the new environment demands of me. I really hope to put an end to this and take up the courage to do what is right and proper. I know many people will say I’m foolish, geeky, overly religious or what… but I guess I’m good with being a fool for God. And i need to reinforce that a zillion times!!!!!!!

Anyways, although hall life has given me a really wide community of friends that I am really thankful for, its ultimately the christian community that really helped me alot . The CF people are just soooo helpful. From bidding modules to finding locations to everything, they have helped me a whole chunk man! Hall life just adds to the flavour of university life. But seriously, when i most needed help, i find them all with my cf seniors. And i’m so thankful i went for the camp, despite the initial reluctance.

Busybugs

When i was still serving in army, i used to detest being idle and I kinda hoped for uni to start so i can continue with something more meaningful and less routined. But recently, I realised that uni life can be really hectic and tiring! And what i’m experiencing is not even the full deal yet, only pre-uni activities! But i’m not complaining about everything thats within the load, some are really meaningful activities that even if they drain all the energy left of me, i would never regret them.

Let’s see. Basically, my life now centres about attending MOE functions, meet-ups inductions and whatnot, orientation camps, vcf and hall orientation, school administrative procedures, hall acceptance forms, giro forms this and that. i simply dreaaaaad having to do every bit of matriculation by myself. i know i know, its high time these responsibilities fall back into my hands but i’m just lazy ! and then i have to worry about my laptop, which deal to get. and my hall shifting stuff, what to bring and what not. and then my module planning, wad to take and stuff. aiyooooo ! doesnt help that people have been telling me hall life will be kinda excessively demanding! the feeling is like i wont have time for anything man!

I’m really glad i attended the vcf camp. felt that it was important, especially for me, to have a christian community i can rely on in school. and more so that i can help to contribute in any possible way. But i shall not commit anything yet, coz i haven’t really got myself down to the hectic schedules to decide on how much i can commit myself to anything besides hall and studies yet. but one thing for sure is i learnt to commit to God these plans!

Anyway i was looking back at the last couple of months and was just reflecting on whether post-ord has been fruitful at all. And all i can say was, they were one of the most enriching times of my life. Travelling to Nepal was awesome and speechless, yogyakarta was real fun with friends, working at NLB was politically enriching HAhA, i learnt so much(more like i learnt to take the shots real hard), vcf camp was great…
Money well spent, honestly.