Can’t control

I can’t help but write this post, despite being in the midst of studying in my room. I chanced upon my Mum’s blog and read an article in memory of my cousin, Sabrina whose birthday anniversary is today. I knew about it and remembered this very date, but chosed not to make myself feel much about it or i’ll feel emo again. But i can’t help but admit i really wept and wept and wept as i was reading my Mum’s blog. How can you who is alive, explain what its like to die or even tell someone how to face death when you’ve never been there. It was something that really penetrated the heart.

I am sad not because i lost a cousin or a family member but the fact that i lost a best friend. I cannot explain to you the extent of how heart wrenching the entire process was but i can assure you i do miss her , much more than then . Because time really makes us treasure people.

You know how crazily saddening can it be when it was just you and your cousin crying over granny’s passing and the next moment its your cousin in that wooden man-sized cupboard? Yes, thats the feeling i felt, and start to feel again after reading my Mum’s blog.

But i know even as i type this, YOU CAN SEE THIS SABRINA!!
BETTER look after me from heaven OK MS KOH! )))

atlast

AT last, school is finally starting. And i am pretty much intimidated by the fact that i am stepping into the Arts side without the arts background. As much as i’m overwhelmed by the fear of failing, i pretty much entrust my entire entire university life unto the hands of God.

The past few weeks have been fun and pretty much gaga, so much that the transition to returning to lectures and notes and slides will be really challenging. Over the past few weeks, i constantly faced struggles with myself and once again, my faith. I’m a Christian but sometimes i challenge myself with decisions that i have to make as a christian. Many times i’m caught im a situation whereby i can either go with the flow and tell myself this is alright or i can stop and refuse to succumb to these peer pressures, stand tall and tell them I’m a Christian. Honestly, i didn’t really have the courage to take on the latter. I was kinda afraid of the way people would judge me if i do that. I was pretty much against the idea of being ostracized for being a Christian. But deep inside, i truely wanted to stand up for what i felt it is right. As things start to slow down and reach a less happening phase, i being to see that for the past weeks, i have been losing the shape of Godliness and have instead, gradually taken the form of a new mould; one that the new environment demands of me. I really hope to put an end to this and take up the courage to do what is right and proper. I know many people will say I’m foolish, geeky, overly religious or what… but I guess I’m good with being a fool for God. And i need to reinforce that a zillion times!!!!!!!

Anyways, although hall life has given me a really wide community of friends that I am really thankful for, its ultimately the christian community that really helped me alot . The CF people are just soooo helpful. From bidding modules to finding locations to everything, they have helped me a whole chunk man! Hall life just adds to the flavour of university life. But seriously, when i most needed help, i find them all with my cf seniors. And i’m so thankful i went for the camp, despite the initial reluctance.